Writing Screen Action – Part One

What makes a screenplay cinematic is rarely the dialog.  The magic lies in how action is portrayed. In this two-part article, we discover that writing action in a screenplay involves three decisions:

By Charles Deemer,
Edited by Stavros C. Stavrides

UPDATED DECEMBER 7, 2022

---

What to Write

Consider the following attempt at writing action from one of my students:DA

There are so many things wrong with this, I hardly know where to begin.

For the moment, let’s set aside the issues of rhetoric (how this is written) and format (the over-use of capitalization) and just consider what is said.

This is written with the eye of the fiction writer, not the screenwriter. Fiction writers describe everything in detail in order to create a specific image in the eye of the reader. This is not the job of the screenwriter. I repeat this is not the job of the screenwriter.

The screenwriter tells the story, directly and simply. Yes, this involves visual storytelling but to a screenwriter, this means something quite different from what it means to a fiction writer.

A screenwriter is a collaborator. He is neither the costume designer nor the set designer of the production; the writing above invades the territory of each.

Here is how a screenwriter might write the above scene:

The room is large, expensively decorated, with a fireplace. Someone is playing classical music on a piano.

NIGEL, a servant, enters with a tray for tea-time. He marches to the piano.

What an incredible difference!

This is direct, barebones writing, which is the style usually most appropriate for screenwriting.

Granted, there may be dramatic reasons to include some of the details I’ve omitted. Let’s say the walking stick is going to be stolen. In this case, it would be appropriate to mention it.

But the point is this: the screenwriter is not the set designer, costume designer, or director. The writer merely suggests what is appropriate to the story; “large, expensively decorated” is enough to say about the room.

Where the fiction writer writes in great detail, the screenwriter writes general suggestions for his or her collaborators.

---

This post is a support article for the chapter “Screenwriting” in 
Cyber Film School’s Multi-Touch Filmmaking Textbook.

---

The screenwriter’s job is to tell the story, and does this by:

• Telling us what we see on the screen, and
• Telling us what we hear in dialogue and other major sounds important to the story: explosions, whatever).

In telling what we see on the screen, the screenwriter focuses on story movement and does not include so much detail – that is the major responsibility of a collaborator such as a costume designer or set designer.

The screenwriter doesn’t write descriptive detail, as it slows up the STORY’s forward movement.

Consider how characters are described in a screenplay. In literary fiction works, the description of characters is written in great detail.

Now look at the scripted character descriptions from the following films:

Citizen Ruth

She is around 30.

(That’s it!)

Big Night

PRIMO, the chef, is at the stove. Brooding, intense, he is in his late 30s but seems older than his years.” “His younger brother, SECONDO – early 30s, handsome, charming but high strung.

Lone Star

We see SAM DEEDS, the sheriff, driving. Sam is 40, quietly competent to the point of seeming moody

Get Shorty

CHILI PALMER, late 30s, sits in a booth with TOMMY CARLO, a low-level mob type.

Quiz Show

The hand belongs to DICK GOODWIN, late 20s.

Often the only character description we get is the decade of age! There’s some room for individual writing style here but no screenwriter writes with the “detailfiction” writer.

Here’s a detailed character description in a screenplay:

Bull Durham

ANNIE SAVOY, mid 30’s, touches up her face. Very pretty, knowing, outwardly confident. Words flow from her Southern lips with ease, but her view of the world crosses Southern, National and International borders. She’s cosmic.

Beginning screenwriters also tend to over-write character movement within the scene, which means they usurp the role of the director and choreograph the scene.

My students often begin writing things like this:

She walks slowly across the room, her high heels taking small steps on the thick red carpet. Reaching the portable bar, she stops and considers her options. Her left hand picks up the tongs in the ice chest and drops three ice cubes into a glass. She returns the tongs, then picks up the only bottle of Scotch and pours, stopping a quarter inch from the brim of the glass. She sets down the bottle and, still using her left hand, raises the glass. She brings it to her bright red lips and slowly sips.

A screenwriter is more likely to write something like this:

She moves across the room and fixes herself a drink.

Another major mistake many beginners make: like literary fiction writers, they get inside a character’s mind, in Writing Action – Part Two: How to write it and format it.

NEXT: Writing Action – Part Two >>

Subscribe for updates. 

---

Charles Deemer is the author of Screenwright: The Craft of Screenwriting and “Practical Screenwriting”. All right reserved.